Checkups and walking and... and... and...

Madness had his one year check up this week. I always come out of the doctor's feeling like a wonderful mother. Like my mothering skills are reflected in Madness' ability to walk stable-like on his podgey little legs, or the fact that he can hear. It's a very strange phenomenen in that these things have absolutely nothing to do with me.

He is, by his very nature, a happy, funny little boy so I can't even really take the credit for that either. Big M and I are both clowns, so even that's in his blood. I am not a vain girl by nature, but when it comes to Madness, and being his mother, yeah, it's all about me!

His vital signs are spectacular. He's growing like a weed. His height is well above the 97 per centile curve, meaning he'll be taller than both his parents when he starts school, aged 6. But his weight is right in line with his height, so he's not chubby apart from the normal babyness.

Alas, the doctor gave us a saline solution to clear up his blocked nose, so we've been pumping an ocean of that up there. He seems to quite like it, judging by the lip smacking that goes on.

My ear hurts today. According to one of the guys at work, I keep getting sick because of playgroup, but if I just wait it out, I will soon have an immune system strong enough to kill small mammals in the backyard. This sounds delightful, apart from the fact that we don't have a backyard and I would have to kill the squirrels and birds on our balcony (my, that made me sound like Disney's Cinderella) that come to visit.

Fun tip: Go to as many playgroups as possible, to build up that immune system of steel. Then, go out into the backyard for some target practice.

Serious tip: If you are bone-deep tired, grumpy, really irritable, crying irrationally, getting uncontrollably emotional, and your baby is more than 8 weeks old, you may have Post-Natal Depression (as opposed to the "baby blues" which is a stupid term, if you ask me). There is nothing wrong with recognising the signs and seeking help for this very serious condition. It does not make you weak, or a bad mother, if you suffer from PND. And your post-natal health care professional can help you.

The First Birthday of Doom!

Madness turned one today.

The morning was spent preparing the house for our visitors, four children and three extra adults.

Mostly, I sat around in the afternoon opening presents and eating lots of cake.

I am completely and utterly exhausted. It's such a strange feeling. Fun time though. Madness got clobbered by one of the junior guests, so that wasn't particularly adding to the party mood at that stage. Said guest left shortly after, running a fever (I didn't poison him... honest).

I have to go to bed now. No tips for today. Except... First birthday parties are fun. Definitely have one. But nap before hand.

Mmm, naps.

For the Love of Colds

My house has been struck down with a cold. One particular cold, which causes much screaming around bed time, and broken naps that lead to grumpy afternoons.

Is it just me, or do these things hit exactly when you're at your most stressed? Do our stress levels, indeed, leak over on to our children and are they nature's pawns in this crazy game of chess we call life?

Whatever. Madness has a cold, I'll have to wax philosophical (and maybe make sense!) next week.

I was just brushing my teeth, and it took me about half an hour to take the cap off the Listerine bottle. As I was struggling with that tricky simultaneous push-twist-pull method of opening a bottle, I was mentally betting myself ten bucks that Madness would open this bottle in a jiffy. Then, he'd drink all the Listerine. Now, being a conscientious soul, I would naturally buy a jumbo bottle of Listerine, not the mini travel packs (with the even-more annoying lids!). Knowing Madness he would drink all of it in one gulp, and I would have to rush him to hospital (by foot, as I don't yet drive, and I would be running and trying not to flap my arms, for they would be full of Madness) to get his little baby stomach pumped and save the day.

Then, I would have a cigarette for the first time in 2-and-a-half years.

Who said baths were relaxing? I should have fallen asleep in this one, then I wouldn't have such crazy imaginings afterwards.

Fun Tip: Keep the Listerine open, to avoid frustrations, but up somewhere safe to avoid aforementioned Scary Scenario.

Serious Tip: You can do this. Nature has equipped you with the physical and mental strength, the willpower and most of all, the maternal instincts, required for doing exactly this job. If she hadn't, you'd be a man.

C'mon, Madness! Walkies!

Madness has started taking tentative steps (literally) to becoming the most tiring experience of my life. The very first steps were taken on the 29th of October, where he promptly fell forward onto his hands and then gracefully onto his side (honestly, I was expecting him to come up with shoe polish on his face, and a gun in his hand. He looked just like an escaping soldier in a B-movie. Only little.). He did not walk again for almost two weeks, obviously deciding that commando rolls were not for him. Which is a shame, as they go perfectly with the commando crawling he does through the house. The boy must have elbows of steel.

Now, he's taking two or three steps every hour or so, and no longer rolling to the side when he falls down. His little bum waddles contentedly in his nappy with each step, which is the cutest thing I've seen in a while. Which says a lot, for Madness is pretty darn cute. We've secured the house as much as we're prepared to go, the rest of the time, we'll just have to tell him no.

He's also going through a growth spurt, which means lots of late-night wake up calls. They used to last for hours (literally, at least two) but Big M got the tip off his sister to give him something to eat. When her daughter was going through her spurts, she woke up really hungry. So we tried that, and voilá! he went straight to sleep after his banana. Thank goodness, for it was 1am and I had stayed up late for no other reason than it was Saturday, and I could.

An advantage of growth spurts, though, is that Madness sleeps a lot. He's going for his second three hour nap in as many days as we speak. I napped for an hour and a half of this one, though, so I'm not getting anything productive done. Which is fine. I deserve a weekend, too!

Fun tip: Indulge in a bubble bath. A warm cozy bath after baby's bed time is the perfect way to relax. I often fall asleep in mine, which is not recommended as the acoustics in a bathroom don't do your snoring any favours! And the possibility of drowning (though my husband assures me you can't unless your drunk) is enough to prevent you from dozing off satisfactorily.

Serious tip: Make sure your child has independent play time and use this to have your own. A half an hour of doing your favourite thing (as long as it's not, you know, cracking open the Whiskey) does wonders for rejuvenating the batteries.

And the Soirée was a success!

Dimples's birthday party was lovely. Exhausting, even for me as a lowly guest, but lovely. Dimples behaved quite well in her role as the Party Girl, not getting grizzly until we were leaving at 6 o'clock, which is right near her bed time.

Madness, however, decided the scream the house down every time I didn't have a bit of cake for him in my hand. It didn't matter if I'd just put cake in his mouth, either, I had to have the next piece prepped and ready to go while also putting cake in his mouth, cringing at the crumbs all over the carpet spread by screaming babies with mouths full of cake, holding the plate and trying to drink my cup of coffee.

Mini-M has always been a Very Good Boy. He slept through the night while we were still in the hospital, and has ever since unless something is wrong. He doesn't cry when he falls over, even if he smacks his head. He didn't even blink when he dropped a model car on his foot last week. And that thing was heavy.

Apparently, all this wonderful, easygoing behaviour disappears out the window when cake enters the equation. So very obviously his mother's child. I am now, officially, both excited about and dreading Madness' own birthday party this coming Friday. Hopefully, everyone will be intact by the time I'm done.

Fun tip: Wear invisible earplugs to your in-laws' house.

Serious tip: No, really, wear invisible earplugs to your in-laws' house.

Nap time is my friend

So, nap time has finally settled on Casa Madness. It is, undoubtedly, one of my favourite times of day. I have a friend who feels a lot of guilt about enjoying her child's nap as much as her child does, but lap it up, I say.

I am now enjoying a cup of coffee that doesn't have to battle off curious, pudgey fingers (other than my own, naturally!) and eating a biscuit without the guilt of Not Sharing. In reality, I should be cleaning, for Hurricane Mini-M has devestated my lounge room, but for now I'm just enjoying my downtime.

Today, we have our first birthday of a child that has known Mini-M since they were born. Oh boy. A first birthday! Madness turns one next Friday, which is crazy as I swear I gave birth to him just last week. Didn't I? We bought Dimples a pair of comfy winter soft boots, which are going to look adorable on her, and I made her a little something for her to keep from us.

My husband, Big M, will pick me up after work, which is nice of him as it's raining. There will be cake. And pizza. And Other Mums. I will be in baby birthday heaven.

Fun tip: If you're in a relationship, and your partner works, nap time is the only time of the day you have entirely to yourself. Go wild! Let your hair down, invite all your friends over for a party, with booze, and tell them they better not break any windows and they better help you clean up before the baby wakes up! Which will happen in 2.5 seconds if they don't turn the music down.

Serious tip: Don't be shy in asking your child's friend (or, you know, their parents) what they'd like for their birthday. They know what would make the perfect present better than you do! And if you don't like the idea, then that's all right. Just ask for another.

First Post

Mothering Madness, the blog that will allow you to realise that no matter what, your mothering madness is okay. I hope, through this blog, to let mothers across the globe know that their lives, and the problems they face, are perfectly normal. It is my goal to achieve this in a funny, warm-hearted way that is both entertaining and informative.

Fun tip: Laugh. A lot. The only other option you have is crying, and when did that help anyone?

Serious tip: Make sure to have time for you. If you're not looking after yourself and your needs, how can you expect to look after anybody else's?