Birthdays and the Terrible Twos

Dear Madness,

well, you're two now. Your birthday weekend went quite smoothly, to my utter shock, which wasn't easy because having two birthday parties on the one weekend was actually kind of nuts. Next year, I think I'll just fork out the cash and pay for a big party somewhere to save us a lot of fuss and bother.

Now that you're two, you're becoming more and more vocal about everything. In the last two weeks, you've added quite a few words to your vocab, including (YAY!) some English ones, like "Again" and "More!" which is excellent. Naturally, your temper tantrums have increased to two or three daily, but for every tantrum there are 100 funny things you do that make them worth while.

Also, you're BIG! I mean, you've always been big, but now you're the size of the average German three-year-old, which sends your father into fits of panic. Your projected height as an adult is 192cms or 6"2, which means you'll tower over both your parents by the time you start school.

Basically, you're just a whole lot of fun. Next week, I'm taking you over to Ireland for a visit. I hope you don't mind that Papa's not coming, and it's probably going to be rainy (okay, it will be rainy, it's Ireland) and cold.

Lots of love,
Mama

Octoberfest

Dearest Madness,

wow, what a crazy month this has been! I'm really glad you decided to like music school and that you seem to have a good time there, and I'm sorry you have to miss the first proper music session so your mother can go and get that hot chocolate massage you gave her for Mother's Day. I completely forgot all about music school when I booked the massage.

I don't know if it's because the very thought of being massaged with hot chocolate makes my brain go crazy, or if I'm just not used to factoring the music school bit into our schedule. Probably a bit of both.

Also, thank you for sleeping in until 8:30 on the morning after I went out with some friends and didn't end up going to sleep till 4am. I didn't stay out that late, but had some beers and philosophical conversation with your Papa when I got home. So, sincerely, I'm so glad you did that for me!

Also, you seem to be falling ill. Again. As do I, judging by the copious amounts of coffee required to clear my head this morning.

I hope you feel better, soon!

Love,
Mama.

Wow, buddy, you're so old!

Hi, darling.

Wow, it just occurred to me the other day while talking to our landlord, that you turn two next month! The big 0-2. I think this is freaking me out more than, say, turning thirty in a year and a bit. 2 is a big age, not just because of the HOLY COW OUT OF THE WORLD temper tantrums, but also because it's when you start becoming a child.

You won't grow as much physically in the next two years as you have in the last two. You will start Kindergarten next year. We will over the course of the next 12 months have conversations that don't require me guessing what it is you're trying to say.

You're going to go from being my baby to being my boy. I'm looking forward to it, because you're an amazing little person already, but man. 2!

Tomorrow's a public holiday, so that's good for us. Mama's going to the gym for your nap time, because heaven forbid she should use a day off work to relax a while, but maybe it will be sunny and the three of us can do something really fun.

I'm glad you're so taken with your blanket and pillow, by the way. The way you snuggle right in is dead cute.

Much love,
Mummy.

Music school, here we come!

Dear Madness,

yay! Yesterday, we got the letter saying you'd been accepted into Music School. I didn't know that this was a big deal until other mothers at playgroup mentioned they knew kids who didn't get in.

Now I feel like we're in some elite group of Mums and Bebes who get to sit in a room and bash about on instruments every week. In all honesty, I have no idea what to expect, and it goes till February, so it's going to be a lot of fun. I do hope you like it.

Awww, your first School. How exciting. I'm really looking forward to getting you out of the house on Tuesday afternoons to an activity that takes place inside.

I wonder if we could take your Wa-Wa. Do you think showing the other kids how to play the didgeridoo would be annoying or endearing?

Love,
Mummy.

A People Person

Dear Madness,

what a fabulous week we've had! The zoo was fun, though it took us an hour to get a third of the way through, and you did fall down those stairs. Playgroup was good fun, too, and I think we'll both be glad for the break for autumn holidays. Having visitors on Wednesday night was extra fun, and going to meet "Didi" at the busstop seemed like your idea of a good time! Honestly, charming those old ladies by offering them your seat was a crafty way to get a lolly. I like your style, kiddo.

Today, you were great in the baby shop while I was buying the winter sack thing for your pram. You slid on that slide the whole time I was being served! It was really very considerate of you not to fall off it, or try and go down sideways as you are sometimes wont to do.

I hope you know this is the reason why you're the proud owner of a new police car. You were so lovely to everyone this week. I'm sorry that once outside, you had to be carried because you wanted to crawl along the carpark on your hands and knees and push your car. I'm sorry that not being allowed to do this was cause for throwing it on the ground from Mama-height, and breaking the sirens.

Your "nee-nar-nee-nar" car nee-nars no more!

And please stop growing. You're out of sleeping bags now and under a proper blanket and with a proper pillow! Next you'll want out of your cot and into a bed or something and then I'll be blinking and you'll want out of our house and into goodness knows where!

Just stop it, okay, pumpkin? Stay little forever, and help Mummy ignore the wrinkles on her face. There's a good boy.

Lots of love,
Mummy.

Papa is not a jumping castle!

Dear Madness,

it's not nice to jump on Papa when he's really sick. By the third pained exclamation, you maybe should have stopped, even though it was really fun to fall back onto the bed.

Also, getting your Bärli off Papa's face with your teeth wasn't very kind, either. We're really going to have to work on your developed fetching technique.

I hope you're having a lovely nap,

Mama.

Sharing Illness and Disasterous Haircuts

Dear Madness,

thanks for keeping your tantrums to a minimum while Mummy shares your cold. I really appreciate it.

Your efforts of manipulation are also to be applauded! The fact that you've grasped the concept that if Mama says "no", there is a chance that Papa will say "yes" if he didn't hear the previous conversation has begun a lot earlier than either of your parents were expecting. Highly commendable.

You sure do know how to keep your parents on their toes!

Also, I would like to apologise for the last time I tried to cut your hair. I fear my attempts quite made you resemble a demented Beatle (of the John, Paul, Ringo and George variety) whose haridresser loves, loves him not.

You'll especially hate this -- and some frolicking naked photos we took in Oma's garden -- during the slide show I already have planned for your 21st birthday.

Much love,
Mama

Poo-Poos and Vomit is right!

Dearest Madness,

I'm not sure where in the baby manual it says "when you have failed to catch any kind of virus in the first 22 months of your life, you should try and catch as many as you can in the lead up to your second birthday" but you could have skipped over that bit.

I do have to brag about how awesome you are, though, because instead of the aforementioned poo-poo and vomit, no one would be able to tell you're sick! You're a little whingier than usual, but that could also be your age. Don't worry, baby, all the books would tell you it's just a phase.

Oh, and I bet Papa's happy to the tips of his toes that you can say words like "Jupiter" and "Mars" before you've bothered to say "Oma" or "Opa".

Okay, now you're in bed and it's time for me to get myself off to the gym.

Thanks for being so good today. I don't think I could have handled poo-poo, vomit, and crazy banshee child.

Love,
Mama

Driving Master Madness

Dearest Madness,

I know it's exciting, driving your Papa to work. It's a nice little morning adventure. However, we do have to talk about driving behaviour once Papa has been dropped off.

Your Mummy has only had her driver's licence for seven weeks (and one day). Please do not, under any circumstances, scream loudly while I am trying to overtake some trucks on really narrow lanes in a construction area with a hundred cars behind me and probably infuriated because I am only doing 10km/h over the speed limit.

Also, I am going to tie your Bärli to your seat, so that you can't drop him on the floor and cry all the way home, okay? Okay.

Much love (and a bit of a headache)
Mummy.

A change

Owing to the fact that I am obviously having updatery issues (ie I don't update daily as a good blogging Mummy should!) I've decided to change the format of the blog and have it be letters to Madness instead.

Some will be brief, some will not, but hopefully you'll still get something out of them! :o)

Madness' Mum

Miscellaneous Musings of a Mad Mother

Dear Life,

please get out of my way! You've become a real pest lately, making me run here, there and everywhere and really you just need to back off, okay? Okay.

Love,
MM

Dear Madness,

it's very cute that you can sing "opera" and do "ballet". Both are very cultured of you. Now if we could just keep your hand out of the poo while I'm changing your nappy, we'll be all set. Also, your addiction to chocolate may cause you problems down the line (just ask your mother!) so it's best we try and nip that one in the bud. There is now no chocolate in the house and it's because your mother loves you.

Lots and lots of love,
Mama

An expectant parent guide...

Heh heh, Aunty M sent me this a little while back so I thought I'd share because it made me laugh. A lot. It reminded me of the good ole days, around 2006 BM (before Madness).

FOLLOW THESE 14 SIMPLE TESTS BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN.

Test 1 - Preparation
Women: To prepare for pregnancy:-
1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.
3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.

Men: To prepare for children:-
1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.

Test 2 - Knowledge
Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour.

Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

Test 3 - Nights
To discover how the nights will feel:

1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.

Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.

Test 4 - Dressing Small Children
1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang out.

Time Allowed: 5 minutes.

Test 5 - Cars
1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Test 6 - Going For a Walk
Wait.
Go out the front door.
Come back in again.
Go out.
Come back in again.
Go out again.
Walk down the front path.
Walk back up it.
Walk down it again.
Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
Retrace your steps.
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out and stare at you.
Give up and go back into the house.

You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Test 7 - Communication
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

Test 8 - Grocery Shopping
1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having
children.

Test 9 - Feeding a 1 year-old
1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into
the swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on
the floor.

Test 10 - TV
1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies and Disney.
2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Test 11 - Mess
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor & leave it there.

Test 12 - Long Trips with Toddlers
1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mummy' repeatedly. Important Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.

You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Test 13 - Conversations
1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while playing the Mummy tape listed above.

You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Test 14 - Getting ready for work
1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
4. Stir
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work

You are now ready to have children. ENJOY!!

Fun tip: Look into what it will take to freeze your kid when they're 12 and thaw them out again when they're 20. Take into account the cost, the red tape as well as any psychological damage, such as developmental delays or your child hating you with sadistic passion, that such a procedure may incur.

Serious tip: Breathe through the temper tantrums. If your Madness is anything like mine -- and when it comes to the actual tantrum, I would say that one toddler is the same as the next -- getting mad or trying to bring an end to it yourself will only escalate the situation, making it even more stressful for everyone. Breathe, your little baby can't help it.

Outtings!

Yesterday, we went to a zoo-like setting and let Madness go, well, mad with his good friend, Dimples. There is nothing quite as cute as watching two toddlers go completely nutters for some sealions, or jump back from Flamingos when they squawk.

Madness and Dimples play very well together, as long as neither of them have food they don't want to share with the other. There is a lot of running full pelt at each other, but no touching, which I suppose is normal for this age. They're around the same height, though Dimples is slightly smaller in stature, which Mrs Dimples and I discussed today.

All in all, it was lovely to get out and enjoy the public holiday. The sun was shining, and Madness showed every single person at the zoo his belly button, which is his new thing and precisley why I don't like putting him in onesies anymore!

He loved the animals, making monkey noises at all of them, except the actual monkeys. They had a playground there, and he and Dimples shared a waffle for afternoon tea. Awww. They shared their drinks, too and I can't wait to see them be old enough to worry about cooties.

Also good about day trips is Madness, while a bit nuts on the drive home and not eating all his dinner, goes to bed early and goes from zero to sleep in under 9 seconds.

Fun tip: When out and about with your Madness, and s/he starts going ahead with a temper tantrum or cute-yet-embarrassing behaviours, just carry on and pretend s/he belongs to someone else. This will save you from a lot of disapproving looks and judgements from petty idiots who probably don't have children.

Serious tip: As the Northern Hemisphere summer's approaching fast, it's important to remember the basics when taking outtings with your Madness. In Australia, we slip, slop, slap to protect ourselves from the sun: Slip on a shirt, slop on sunscreen and slap on a hat. It's not a bad idea to remember these sun safety basics for your baby. Also make sure you take plenty to drink! Dimples has a fabulous insulated metal drinking bottle that holds plenty of fluids and keeps it cold. Total drinking bottle envy, I'm grabbing the first one I see. I might get Madness one, too.

So lazy/busy!

Wow, so what kind of mothering blog doesn't commemorate Mother's Day? The slack kind, obviously.

I am also posting on the fly right now, as Madness is sleeping (ah, blessed nap time, I shall miss you when you're gone) and there is laundry to be sorted and a bedroom that desperately needs some TLC. Heh, my dirty mind is putting a twist on that particular sentence. Never mind.

I hope everyone got spoiled on Mother's Day. Madness and Big M gave me a hot chocolate massage. Mmmm. Massage. Mmmm. Chocolate. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hot chocolate massage. Can't wait to book it, but I seem to have lost my ability to make simple phone calls. I have until November next year, though, so no rush on that!

No tips today, except... life is easier when you can keep on top of the laundry! Really.

Bubbles are my friend!

Since Madness entered the phase of Getting What He Wants Through the Art of Screaming Until He Gets It, I have struggled in the afternoons. Especially the rainy afternoons. What can we do when I am exhausted from the screaming and he is grumpy because I refuse to let him get away with that kind of behaviour?

Last week, on a whim, I bought a tube of bubbles. Madshee loves them in playgroup, and when he was smaller I would use them to distract him at busstops and train stations and during Mummy Time at cafés with friends. Now I use them nearly every afternoon when it’s rainy.

And peace reigns again in Casa Crikey. Well, something resembling peace, at any rate.

I still really hate the screaming, but if I ignore it, or if I can calm him down (when he lets me) then it’s not too bad. Mostly. And when all else fails, I can suffer safe in the knowledge that somewhere in my house is a tube of bubbles. Probably in a shoe or behind a book case.

Fun tip: Hire a bubble blower and take a nap in the afternoons while some random person is blowing bubbles with your Madness (shee).

Serious Tip: The bubble machines are great in that they blow lots and lots of bubbles. I don’t like them because hunkering down on the floor with Madness and blowing bubbles for him are really lovely, loving, bonding moments that I would miss out on if I ran a machine.

Busy busy bear!

The thing about mothering a toddler is that they go from this precious little being completely reliant on you for all things, to this precious little being who wants nothing to do with you, thankyouverymuch, unless there is food to be eaten, or a back to climb on.

Madness says "busy busy bear". Or something that sounds like that. Big M and I are puzzled as to what it could actually mean, as he says it often in all contexts. It's dead cute, though. And English! YAY! With a little bit of an accent.

Maybe it's Madness' way of saying "Mummy, you are a busy, busy bear. You just had to go and join a gym, and you're learning Spanish until June, and you're getting your licence and having to have lessons. You work. You're in the middle of decluttering our house to get it spick and span forever, and when are you going to find time for me? Busy, busy bear."

Poor little neglected bunny. He's all right, really. We have lovely afternoons of doing something outside the house, so that's fun (and necessary, as a Banshee has come and replaced my son with itself, and screams the house down if I don't go out RIGHT THIS MINUTE!). I do try to make Mad-shee ask nicely, but its hard when it's pretending to be a 17-month old. Humans are so volatile at that age!

Apart from me being a busy, busy bear, there is not a lot to report. Madness is going to become quite the artiste and as soon as I can breathe again and cut down on my extracurricular activities, I will teach him all kinds of fun things.

Not that I can draw. I'm pretty much only capable of teaching him clever things like swear words, which is less fun when you're the mother, and not the cousin/aunty/babysitter.

Fun tip: Hand your Madness to a complete stranger on the street, mid-tantrum, and scream "It's your turn!"

Serious tip: Don't give in! You're the Mummy, that's why!

Baby nap times... or lack thereof

Madness had a 45-minute nap today. Forty-five minutes. As opposed to 2-2 1/2 hours! So this afternoon was fun. He was fine as long as I was doing exactly what he wanted me to do... like letting him throw his lunch on the floor.

Despite me telling him no twice.

Madness went to his bedroom for the first time today. Aww, my baby's growing up! Good times at Casa Madness! I counted to 45 before letting him out again. Tough love, baby. Tough love.

Today, I also discovered two fantastic resources for Madness Mums everywhere. One, Saving Mum, is Australian, but can be adapted to any country. You can always Google names of things you don't recognise to find out the translation. Sure bet is if you live in a western country, there aren't many things in Australia that you don't have in your country. It's generally just called something else.

Also, and the one I'm maybe even more excited about is FlyLady.net. Oh my! So very Organised and Efficient. If you feel overwhelmed, rundown and a little out of control because you're living in clutter and don't know where to start fixing it, then this site might just be what you're looking for. I've put both links in my resources, on the right-hand side of this blog.

After the short nap and the crazy overreactions, I was more than grateful when Dimples's Mum called to say that we could meet this afternoon, after all.

Big M was also grand when he got home, sweeping the kitchen and the soil that had mysteriously fallen out of the plant pot (I wrote power plant just then, so is my day!) onto the lounge room floor.

Fun tip: Let your Madness do whatever they want. Actual parenting is tiring, and a pain in the butt.

Serious tip: Count on the people around you, seek help from them, let someone know you're struggling. If you pretend you're efficient and coping, they won't know to offer help, so you have to ask them to, instead. Do it. Even if it means asking for an afternoon of You Time.

Advanced baby milestones!

I was just reading the milestones on babycentre.de (the German version of the UK/US site) and found out that Madness is advanced. I am one of those mothers who says her child's intelligent, I openly admit it. I do temper it, though, with saying I have to wait till he's a little bit older before I can really be sure.

Heh. That's why I check the milestones on Babycentre... suuuuure. (Well, really, it's because I don't want to clean, proofread, work on my novel or nap, but that is not the point here!). Anyway, all the three things in the "advanced" column of the 17-month babies Madness can do. He's been brushing his teeth for months (after we do, obviously) and has been dancing to music for months. He's been kicking a ball for months. He's not yet 17 months old. Again, heh.

Anyway, if I keep thinking like this, I'm going to convince myself that Madness is a genius and enrol him into University for his second birthday. So, time for a topic change.

Travelling on my own was challenging. Once I actually got to England, and home, everything was fine, but wowzer. Carrying my hand luggage, our coats, my laptop and my baby through an airport was quite the adventure.

I'm pleased to say that when I had to drop something, it was the luggage and the coats that copped it, rather than the baby. He walked everywhere but where I wanted him to walk, making me glad we had 50 billion hours to catch our connecting flight.

The 50 billion hours we had on the way back weren't as adventurous. In England, I got a wrist holder thing, kinda like a friendly, child-safe set of handcuffs. Okay, okay, I'll say it: I put my kid on a leash.

Turns out he didn't need it, because right on our gate was a child's play area. Pretty funky thing to have in an airport, actually. Only there was nowhere for the Mummys to sit down. Woe.

We met a two-year-old there that was a whole head shorter than Madness.

Also, whilst in England, not a day went by without the word "Papa" being mentioned at least a dozen times, making me feel horribly, horribly guilty for separating them for the week. Well, not really, but I did feel a bit bad.

Then I ate some Cadbury chocolate and knew the trip had been worth it.

Fun Tip: If you're travelling alone, make sure your carry on luggage is big enough to fit your baby in it. Kinda like Paris Hilton and her silly little accessory she tries to pass off as a dog. Only bigger and more whingey.

Serious Tip: If you're travelling alone, make sure your carry on luggage is big enough to fit your baby in it.

Monumentous occasion!

No tips today, but I would like to share the news that Madness said his first purely English phrase/word yesterday.

"See ya!"

I hope this does not say anything about my mothering, that those are the first English words out of his mouth!

I can see it now:

"When will you be home?"

"See ya!"

"What would you like for dinner?"

"See ya!" Madness runs off to eat at a friend's house.

"Where are you going?"

"See ya!"

Save me from the insanity of clearly picturing my child as a teenager when he's not even two.

More jet planes!

Madness and I are off to England straight after Easter. Eek, thankfully it's only a one hour flight, but wowzer, I'm not sure I'm ready for flying on my own!

All is well in the land where Madness reigns. The tantrums have started in earnest now and they are thankfully shortlived. They are also thankfully thus far contained to our humble abode, and have not yet occurred in the supermarket or other such public gatherings.

Now that I've said that, though, I think we'll stay in this week!

This age is amazing. I thought when Madness was a newborn that "wow, he does a lot" but looking back, he really just lay about and looked around a lot, soaking it all in. Some days, when it's 3pm and I haven't had time to brush my hair, I miss the old days.

I wouldn't trade this new and exciting time for the world, though. Madness lets out a pleased "hi!" when one of us walks in the room, he says the German word "doch" so clearly that his mouth becomes quite funny-looking, and we have whole conversations now that usually end in me saying "I'm not sure" and Madness shrugging. Of course, I don't understand what he says, generally they go like this:

"Stpuf, dobistu difitu doch"

"Oooh, really?"

"Dobistudidu doch Mama ststst doch Mama"

"Oh, well, hmmm. I'm not sure".

*Madness shrugs and goes about his merry business*

Also, the other day I asked him what his book said. He promptly answered: "Woof woof".

It's the cutest thing, and we do that ALL day. Also, we have started letting him watch some television. Namely, the Wiggles, which are an Australian boy band for pre-schoolers and toddlers. I love them, but we're still strict about how much he watches (really, there's no need for children this age to watch television, I don't think).

He also sings and dances.

And is really stubborn.

And cute.

And likes to cook and clean, so I'm training him well for his future partner.

And my days are grand. I hope yours are, too.

Fun tip: Throw preventative tantrums yourself in the supermarket. Show that little madness monster exactly how embarrassing it is! Scream as loud as you can, and make sure you knock a few things off the shelves when you get to the fun part of throwing yourself on the floor and flailing about.

Serious tip: Read a lot of books with your baby. They can understand words and it will help them more than anything to build up their vocabulary. It's all right if they want to grab the book and turn the pages themselves, you can talk about the pictures without having to actually read the story.

Ministry of Monotony

The older your child gets, the less time you have to mess around on your computer. Sucks for me, because my job is online, and half my friends are online friends (yeah, I’m glad that doesn’t make me as sad as it would have ten years ago, too) and I have less time to update my various Internet projects.

That was a convoluted way of apologising for the lack of regular updates.

Madness has hit the 15-month mark and sprung two more molars. The poor guy’s pretty much not going to get a break from that till he’s 2 and all his teeth are through! It makes for pleasant afternoons, when I have to make the choice between gum gel at four and then probably about 2am, or at bed time and then not again till the next morning. This sounds like a no-brainer, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it?

It would be if I didn’t apply the gel at 11am, and hence can’t for a couple of hours. Ah, fun times!

The other day, as I was coming home from playgroup, I pondered a bit on the monotony of motherhood. That sounds like some psychological condition, written out like that.

“Don’t worry about Mrs. Madness, she’s in the clinic, getting treatment for MoM”

“For the Minister of Magic?”

Insert blank look of non-Harry Potter fan. “Whatever, she’ll be back with us soon.”

HP fan continues to look confused.

Sorry. Tangent. Anyway, I was pondering this, about how utterly tiring some days can be because of the simple routine-ness of it all. Vicious pondering, indeed, but necessary. See, sure motherhood can be monotonous. These little beings need routine and predictability like adults need oxygen. However, all jobs become monotonous after a time. This happens perhaps more quickly in motherhood because it’s a job we do 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for pretty much the rest of our lives, obviously with varying degrees of intensity.

Take heart! Do not despair! My ponderings brought me to one conclusion. Nothing, nothing, can fill a worker with more joy, or sheer fulfillment, than the delighted laugh of your baby as you lift them up over your head and spin them round like a mad thing (not adviseable for newborns, obviously).

No job, either, allowes you to truly feel successful and excited by the accomplishments of others. The first smile, the first roll, the first tentative grip towards a favourite toy. All of those things fill us with indescribable feelings that no other job can offer.

We just don’t care about other jobs like we care about mothering our maddness (maddnii?). Makes the occasional boring day that much more tolerable, doesn’t it?

Fun tip: Actively enjoy your toddler loving your partner more than you. Why sit around moping and feeling jealous when you can go and have a quick soak in the tub?

Serious tip: A toddler is almost always motivated by the attention he gets from his parents. This is a hard time, because he is acting out, in a way, and wanting to be set boundaries. You read that correctly. If Madness goes a bit crazy emotionally, I rub him on the back and reassure him that it’s all right. I wait him out. It's not always easy, I'm not a patient being. But it's so so necessary.

If he uses those emotions to say, hit a child in the face (something that has happened to him, rather than him doing it to someone else), I would not rouse on him or yell or ask him what he was thinking. I would simply say a firm no, remove him from the situation, and pay attention to his "victim". This is nicer, less stressful on everyone and it actively teaches him that hitting children not only doesn't get him any attention, it gets another child LOTS of Mummy attention. If the crazy behaviour persisted, I would take him outside and let him cry it out. Standing watch over him, obviously. I’ve found this, in my observations of other mothers, to be the most effective way of dealing with what is potentially a very awkward situation.

I'm leeeeaving on a jet plane...

So, I am officially a world-travelled Mum. Madness did well on the way to Australia, and from driveway to driveway it was a whopping 38 hours. Wow, go little boy. We had a 7-hour layover in Seoul, and ended up napping in some chairs.

I did learn some things. If you’re going on a long trip, say longer than two hours, take enough to eat and drink, but also order baby food on your flight. Depending on what they give you (Madness got some jarred fruit and yoghurt, and sometimes cold pureed green beans… ew), you can stow some of it away for snack times.

TAKE LOTS OF TOYS. (This isn't a header for the next section, it's just really important).

This will increase your handluggage amount. It will probably mean sacrificing the final Harry Potter book you were going to read on the plane. However, once you’re there and your baby will start to get bored, you will not care that you had to unpack and scatter Fisher Price Little People all over airport security, while running for your flight because you know you should be boarding first, and they’ve already started calling people.

If you feel comfortable enough with it, let people touch and play with your baby. We flew Korean Air (which apart from mashed cold green beans is highly recommended) and they loved, loved, loved Madness. Of course, his nature helped – he didn’t cry once – but the attendants would come and visit and play, meaning we could shut our eyes for 10 minutes or so before they had to go again.

By the end of the flight, he was in the kitchen, messing with their cupboards.

Once we landed in Australia, things went a little awry. We had a morning landing, so we had to make Madness stay up in the middle of the night, his time. He had no problem falling asleep at the end of the day, but he did wake up at 5:30am for the first week, which ended up being a real downer on our holiday. Cause man, we were tired.

Having my family take the load off was brilliant, too. My in-laws, thank goodness, are wonderful people, but it’s completely different with your own family, your own flesh and blood, that lets you relax more around your family in terms of your child.

It was a marvellous holiday.

In less travel wary news, madness sprouted six – that’s right, six! – molars while we were away. Four are through so far and I am not looking forward to the other two. Also, I bought him a pair of shoes yesterday. Sniff My baby boy is all growing up.

Which also means he’s started to Know What He Wants and How To Get It. I’m sorry, sweety, but yelling at me is going to get you precisely nowhere. Luckily, for all the whingey cries etc, Madness is still a very sweet-natured person. It just makes everything that much easier.

I do cuddle him when I don’t let him touch the oven and stove dials, though. Poor thing doesn’t understand that burns are bad!

It’s good to be blogging again. I hope everyone had a fabulous Christmas and New Year, and that 2008 is healthy and fun.

Fun tip: The ear plugs you bought for your in-laws late last year? Keep them for when your child starts Knowing What They Want. And you have to tell them 'no'

Serious tip: Stay as relaxed as you can when travelling. Do breathing exercises if you have to. If you stay relaxed, chances are your baby will, too.